Love me, not
by shikonchick
Summary: A little short fic on Inuyasha's thoughts for Kagome. I watch you sleep, I always do. I have done it since I met you just the way you watch out for me....


Inuyasha does not belong to me.

Love me, not

I am alone, well not entirely because I have you here with me. Yet you sleep and I am left alone to my thoughts.

Funny, though, because I don't have much to think about but you and the shards, but its mainly you.

I watch you sleep, I always do. I have done it since I met you just the way you watch out for me. And every night I find out something about you I had not noticed before. For example tonight, I noticed, that you tend to smile quite a lot in your sleep bringing out those cute dimples of yours. And every now and then you will mutter some childish nonsense.

Not that I mind, its cute when you do, and I put away these memories of you for the times when I feel utterly lonely. Yes, there is even times, when even you, cannot vanish that feeling of despair, anger, and worthlessness. Because how can you make me feel better, if its you that provokes this feelings I wish I could highly neglect?

Despair. I feel so exasperated at times with you for making me feel like this. Stripping me of the cold layers I had built around myself over the years only to be left cold and exposed. You make me bring out that human self in me and I hate it because you can see that you are my one and only weakness, and so can everyone else, endangering you, but yet you refuse to leave my side.

Anger. I am not stupid you know. I have noticed that your feelings for me go far beyond the reach of friendship. You love me. Even when I am a demon, filled from head to toe with the power to kill you, you love me. You reach out to me, and I know that you do not fear me, but fear what I can do to myself. On the nights when I am human, when I am defenseless and cannot protect you, you love. You fill me with a sense of security and warmth, and of being loved. And when I am in my worst stage yet, that of a half demon. Where my mind cannot comply with my soul about what and whom I want out of life. Where I tend to be rude and reckless. Where I make you cry more than I make you laugh. Where I have come to realize that no matter what form I take, you will still continue to love me. Where I have concluded that I might love you too. And it angers me because I have finally subdued to a part of my heart's desire, that if I, someone who wishes to be a full demon, should not have.

Worthlessness. I could never have you. You are too good. To magnificent. Too perfect. I am nothing but a half-breed; an idiot who cannot appreciate what he has in front of him. I should just drop this stupid quest and tell you how I feel, but then you might want to leave because even if you love me, I know you miss the other side of your world. Perhaps you would be far better on the other side, where you could find someone almost, almost as good as you. He could bring you happiness, a good home, and protect you because certainly I could never accomplish these things. It will hurt me to see you with another man, but I will be content with the thought that you are happy. Its not that we cant be together but people would laugh at us, at you, and that is something I could not bare and if we ever had children, they would suffer a good deal, and trust me I should know.

I watch as the horizon turns from purple, to blue and then to that lovely shade of pink your lips have. I feel the heat of the sun's rays warm my face; its touch is gentle but not loving like yours. But most of all I watch you. I watch you steer out of your slumber, mumbling about needing more sleep. I watch as you gently stretch out, removing your silk raven tresses from you beautiful face. I watch how you sit up, realize no one else is awake and snuggle back into the warmness and comfort of you blankets. You open your eyes and stare right back at mine; even from the top of this old tree I can see your love for me reflected in your eyes.

You smile. I smile back. " Morning Inuyasha", you whisper, " Did you barely wake up too?"

How could I sleep if I was watching over you?

" What makes you think I went to sleep at all?"

Your eyes take on that concerned look for me. " I just thought that after battling demons, you would be tired just like the rest of us"

" The rest of you are just humans, and therefore lack the strength and capability I have to regain energy without needing sleep, now hush and get some rest, you still have about an hour left before I wake everyone else up and get us moving."

I expected you to get angry for calling you weak, but instead you smile.

" You are right I do need to rest to regain my energy and a few more minutes of sleep would do me no harm, but its rather chilly today and my blankets they aren't warm enough. Inuyasha, would you mind terribly if I asked you to snuggle down here with me just for a little bit until I fall asleep and keep be warm?"

I see a small blush creep up your cheeks but it did not compare to the redness in my face that almost match my haori. But still I cannot resist temptation, and even if it was for a little bit that I could hold you, then I would be content.

I cuddle you into my arms and smiled as you snuggled deeper into me. I knew you weren't cold but were using an excuse to be with me, and for that I thank you because I could have never done such a thing myself and thank you for allowing me to bring you some sort of happiness to the woman I loved for a little while. I remove a loose strand of hair from your face and watch as you went back to sleep, leaving me once more to my thoughts.

Love me not, Kagome. I know it's a little late to tell you that because what's done is done, and I too, have fallen for you. But life with a half demon must not be easy and I have nothing to give to you. Plus at this moment you might be rather happy but trust me, once an idiot always an idiot, and because of the mistakes I have done and will make, I might not always be able to make you smile.

Do you like it? Tell me if you do or don't and what you think about it… plz review.

Thank you


End file.
